If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
