would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
