You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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