I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
