She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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