It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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