Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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