I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dignity is for republicans.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
