ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
