so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Bring me that man meat
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
