I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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