I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
