Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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