We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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