3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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