is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
there is glitter all over my balls
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
