Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
