Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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