Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
