there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
