I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
