I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
