I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
