Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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