apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
