I hope my margaritas pass through security.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
