What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Randomize
