i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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