Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
