so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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