He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
