He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
