There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
