Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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