Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Randomize
