This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
