He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
