I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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