Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
