Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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