Are we in a gay sports bar?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
