I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
