My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
