my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
