People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
This couple is walking their pig around campus
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
