my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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