So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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