i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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