...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
