A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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