What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
