I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
