I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just had sex on a roof
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
